The kitten I tried to rescue died and it’s my fault

This is Luna. I found her outside laying in a pile of my dog’s poop, hardly more than bones, and thought she was dead. When I went to bury her, she squeaked at me. So I brought her in, bathed her to get rid of fleas, and took her to the vet.

The vet said she had fading kitten syndrome, and likely wouldn’t make it through the night. I had her for six days. Luckily, this coincided with some time I had off of work.

The first two were spent feeding every 10 minutes, around the clock. I did not eat or sleep until day 3 when she had her first poop, and I allowed myself my first nap. Over the next few days she kept improving. I still checked her constantly, kept her warm under a heat lamp, fed her, gave her medicine, cleaned the pus out of her eyes and her butt after she pooped.

At first she was in a small box, and her water bowl was a tiny lid, to minimize the risk of her falling in and getting wet or drowning. As she improved, she moved around and played more and more, I got her a bigger box, and a bigger water bowl once she finally started drinking.

She was doing so good, getting so strong, and doing so well. She still slept a lot, as kittens do, so I thought I’d take a break from constantly checking on her. I went and ate, and played video games. When I came back an hour and a half to two hours later, I found her laying in her water bowl, having pooped in the bowl and on herself, limp and gasping. I wrapped her in a towel and sped her to the vet, one hand on the wheel while I tried to do some kind of CPR with my thumb on the other. She was gone when we got there.

The vet says it could have been anything that caused her to go. But I think it’s my fault. Her head was dry so she didn’t drown, but maybe she fell or decided to lay in the bowl that was too big for her, and with how important it was to maintain her temperature, the cold and wetness put her into shock or something.

I think if I used the small lid for her water like my wife told me to, or if I had checked on her sooner, she would have been okay. It broke my heart to lose her, and I feel sick to my stomach with guilt and shame.