The male loneliness epidemic is a self-pitying problem and there’s an easy solution.

I’m a man in my early 30s. I don’t have anything particularly special going for me—no insane social skills, no high-status career, no crazy hobbies that make me a magnet for conversation. The only thing I can say I do differently than a lot of lonely men is engage with people out of curiosity rather than desire.

The issue with male loneliness isn’t some massive cultural shift that has made people averse to men in public. It’s not that society has abandoned men—it’s that many men have abandoned society by narrowing their social focus to only one goal: romantic validation.

I see this all the time. Guys claim that no one wants to talk to them, but what they really mean is: “Attractive women aren’t engaging with me.”

These same men often ignore entire categories of social opportunities—talking to older people, engaging with other men platonically, striking up casual conversations with strangers just to connect. If the only people you try to talk to are women you find attractive, of course you’re going to feel isolated. That’s not loneliness; that’s self-inflicted social starvation.

Men who constantly claim that “no one wants to talk to them,” ask yourself: When was the last time you made conversation with someone without an ulterior motive? Do you engage with people who don’t directly serve your personal interests? Have you made any effort to contribute to a community rather than expecting one to embrace you?

The men who actually go out into the world with an open mind and a willingness to engage—rather than just seeking validation—don’t seem to be the ones complaining about loneliness.

If your entire social strategy revolves around being “wanted” rather than wanting to engage with the world, you’ll always feel lonely. And that’s not a societal problem. That’s a you problem. If you are lonely—truly lonely, not just horny and starved for romantic affection—go outside and talk to people. It’s really that simple.