AITAH for withholding sex because my husband won’t get a vasectomy?

Neither of us want children. This was discussed and agreed upon very early on in our relationship. The subject of sterilization came up during our engagement. We agreed it would be easier, cheaper, and less invasive for him to get a vasectomy vs me getting a bisalp. He said he would be sterilized after we got married.

We’ve been married for three years now. Sterilization has been the focus of several arguments over the years, which have only gotten more frequent since RvW was overturned. We live in a red state with an absolute ban. There is legislature being proposed to document pregnant women and penalize out-of-state termination. I’m TERRIFIED of getting pregnant. It would ruin my life. He knows my feelings.

Every time I ask him about getting sterilized, he always says the same thing. “I’m too busy, I don’t have time, it’s invasive, getting into urology will take forever, they don’t even put you to sleep, etc.” He’s a first-year resident doctor. It’s true he is very busy. He works anywhere from 30-70 hours per week. I’m a first-year PA student. I spend 50+ hours a week attending class and studying. But he has the luxury of taking time off. I do not. For the next two years, my schedule will be inflexible.

He claims vasectomies are just as invasive as a laparoscopic bisalp. I told him that’s simply not true, hence why general anesthesia is required for a bisalp and only local anesthesia for a vasectomy. Not to mention bisalps have a longer healing period and carry more risks than vasectomies. Considering his extensive medical knowledge, I was SHOCKED by his statement.

We are both in our twenties—it’s substantially harder for young women to find a provider who will sterilize them than it is for young men. I started looking for a provider months ago and found some promising leads. He hasn’t even done a Google search.

I feel so disgusted, disappointed, and angry. He knows I’m terrified of getting pregnant. He knows bisalp is the more invasive procedure. He knows the entire process of finding a provider, scheduling the appointment, having the procedure, and then recovering post-op will be more difficult, time consuming, and expensive.

I asked him why he’s so unwilling to have the procedure. Is he scared? Does he want children? He said no to both, then repeats the same excuses.

I finally told him to forget it, and that I’ll go ahead with sterilization myself. But sex is off the table and will be for the foreseeable future. Despite being on birth control, I’m no longer willing to take the risk. He thinks my reaction is unfair. AITAH?

Edit: Wow. Crazy how many people crawled out of the woodwork to tell me I’m punishing my husband by refusing sex. As if my body is a toy being taken away from him. Disgusting.