Am I the Jerk for Refusing to Pay for My Brother’s Wedding After He Exposed My Secret Relationship?

Story:

This happened two months ago, and my family is still split over it. For context, I’m a 28-year-old woman, and my brother, “Jake,” is 30. Jake recently got engaged to his long-term girlfriend, “Laura.” They’ve been planning a big wedding for next spring, and since I have a higher-paying job, I offered to help cover some of the costs, including the venue deposit, which was a hefty $5,000.

Here’s the thing: for the past year, I’ve been in a relationship with one of Jake’s best friends, “Tom.” We kept it secret because we didn’t want to cause any drama in the family or the friend group until we were sure about our relationship.

Last month, during a family barbecue, Jake noticed that Tom and I were being a little too friendly. He pulled me aside and started interrogating me. I admitted we were dating but begged him to keep it quiet, as Tom and I planned to tell everyone when we were ready. Jake seemed annoyed but said he’d keep it to himself.

Fast forward two days, and Jake decided to tell EVERYONE. He made a big post on social media about it, complete with a snarky caption: “Looks like my best man has been busy. Congrats to Tom and my sister for keeping us all in the dark!”

This caused chaos. My parents were furious that I hadn’t told them, Laura was upset because she felt like it took attention away from their wedding, and even some of Jake’s friends started giving Tom grief. Tom was mortified, and I was humiliated.

When I confronted Jake, he just laughed it off and said he was “helping us rip the Band-Aid off.” I told him he had no right to share our personal business and that he’d made things ten times harder for us. He shrugged and said, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have kept secrets.”

That’s when I decided I was done. I told Jake I was pulling my financial support for the wedding. He thought I was bluffing until I called the venue and canceled my payment. Now, Jake and Laura are scrambling to come up with the money, and my parents are furious with me for “ruining the wedding.”

Jake insists I’m being petty and that I’m punishing him for “telling the truth.” But I feel like he crossed a line by exposing something that wasn’t his to share. My parents think I should still help because “family is family,” but I don’t see why I should.

So, am I the jerk for refusing to pay for the wedding?