Our grandmas/great grandmas did not want 10-20 kids….

My very first Reddit post ever! Trigger Warning for (g)rape….

I (39F) and my husband (41M) had a disagreement/argument the other day because I told him our grandmothers, great grandmothers and beyond did not want 10, 15 or 20 kids, they were more than likely (g)raped by their husband. He disagreed and said sex was a mutual thing and children just happened because lack of birth control.
I said “You really believe women were hornier back then?” or “You think women wanted sex after cooking from scratch for an army of children, cleaning up after a man and an army of children, washing clothes by hand, and probably getting mistreated/beaten by a man?”
And yes, I realize that wasn’t all men, but it was enough men that women en masse did not want to have a house full of children and be SAHMs anymore once birth control came along.
My mom (68F) did try to tell him women just did what their husbands told them to do, and women of that time didn’t know anything different, because that’s just how women were treated.
I would like to hear (read) any stories from your mom, grandma, great grandma or aunts about the subject. Did they have sex and multiple children because the wanted to? Did they have sex because they would get abused if they didn’t? Did they have sex because the man told them to and women just did as they were told?
Unfortunately, older women kept/keep a lot of these things to themselves, so we don’t know the reality of the life our grandmothers lead.