Update:AITAH for reconsidering my engagement after he told me he will cheat on me if I don’t have sex with him?

We had a talk and my anger exploded on him. I said pretty mean things to him. Nothing too crazy though. I told him that I will never respect a cheater.

He basically told me that he will always want a good sex life and if I stop having the same priority, if he doesn’t have an option to have sex with other women, he won’t have a choice but to divorce me. Do I prefer that to him cheating when we have kids and house or do I prefer he divorce me and destroy everything we worked for.

That honestly took me by surprise. I don’t really know which of those two options would be better. Some part of me thinks that it’s foolish to destroy a marriage when you have built so much. Obviously a better option is for him to talk to me about it and we can figure it out together.

He said that he can only control what he can do, he doesn’t have any way of controlling what I would do. So if I refuse to work on things or made excuses or didn’t put the effort, he doesn’t have any other choice.

He then asked if I am telling him that my requirement for him is that he be okay with extended period without sex without proper effort from me then he is not the guy for me.

I said I don’t know what I want, which is true because I didn’t think about it all until he dropped the bomb on me. He just said to me that until I figure that out, I have no business being engaged to anyone.

He left, engagement is off. We haven’t broken up but it feels like it. I called my mom and I can tell she is very disappointed but she did her best to not show it.

What I still don’t know is what is right or wrong here? I get it, sex is important for men and they are willing to end decades long marriages for it. I understand there reasoning as well. Everyone is free to end marriage for any reason.

I also know that if I tell any man that I need him to remain with me for extended period of time without sex, they would not like it. Some part of me also agrees that cheating can be better than divorce if you have a happy home and family. But another part doesn’t think cheating can ever be justified.

I just can’t get out of my head that I will be in the same position if i break up with him and marry someone else.

So that’s basically it, engagement is off, my relationship hinges on my knowing what I want and I have no fucking clue.