Wonder why the good men don’t approach you? Here’s why I think that is and how to fix it

Men and Women are welcomed and encouraged to comment, agree, or disagree.

So many women have expressed frustration about being approached by ‘the wrong guy,’ often labeling these men as creeps. While its understandable, I believe this reaction may have accidentally worsened the problem. Let me explain.

Before the internet, men from all walks of life approached women. These included men with good intentions who cared about women’s feelings, (Let’s call this Group 1) and men who didn’t (Let’s call this Group 2).

Over time, as women began publicly voicing discomfort and labeling certain behaviors as creepy, a shift occurred.

The good-hearted men in Group 1—those who genuinely care about women’s comfort—started to withdraw. They didn’t want to risk making women uncomfortable or being perceived negatively, so they opted to stop approaching altogether.

Meanwhile, men in Group 2, who never cared about women’s feelings in the first place, continued to approach women. As a result, women began encountering men predominantly from Group 2.

This dynamic creates a skewed reality for women, where the majority of men they interact with fall into the ill-intentioned category (Group 2). From their perspective, it seems as though most men are inconsiderate or worse.

When women share these experiences online, they resonate with others who feel the same, reinforcing a belief that men, as a whole, are problematic. This growing narrative leads many women to conclude that they don’t want to be approached by men at all. Publicly sharing this sentiment further discourages Group 1 men from approaching, solidifying the cycle.

Now, I’m not entirely sure what the best solution is, but it seems clear that the current approach isn’t working. My idea is to try the opposite:

Instead of discouraging all approaches, perhaps we could promote respectful interactions. Encouraging men in Group 1—those who are considerate and empathetic—to approach women in friendly, non-invasive ways could help shift the dynamic.

Men in Group 2 will likely continue their behavior regardless, but creating an environment where respectful approaches are encouraged might inspire more men from Group 1 to get involved, leading to a more balanced and positive experience for everyone.”